Most of us, at sometime in our life have had our heart broken.  Whether it came as a surprise or it was a long drawn out break up, there is always some sort of mourning process that we need to go thru.  A gamut of feelings arise from anger to love to forgiveness, back to anger and then possibly hope that they will come back around and our love for them will change their mind.  

Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.  At times we put that lost lover on a pedestal and are not rational in how we see them.  We feel empty as if part of us is gone, desperate, questioning ourselves on what we could have done to fix it and make it better. You may long for closure. There are things you want to tell her.

Every few nights or so, you pop into my dreams, I just can’t get rid of you like you got rid of me.

A million words wouldn’t bring you back. I know because I’ve tried, neither would a million tears. I know because I’ve cried.

Should I hate you because you hurt me? Or should I love you because you made me feel special?

Even if she doesn’t want me today, I knew she loved me yesterday, and may love me again tomorrow.

The hardest thing to do, is to watch you love someone else.

If I never fall in love again, I’m okay with that because I had the chance to be in love with you.

When you’re not here there’s something missing.

Fortunately, it gets better.  Breaking up is a very painful and stressful event.  It is one of the hardest things a person can go through.  It is a time of mourning.   There is the loss of the future that you thought you had.  The letting go is very difficult.  It feels unbearable.

But how can you get over it?  How can you help yourself and move on?  These are a few general suggestions that have been taken from many therapy books on broken hearts. Only you know what's best for you.  If you have a therapist please discuss your feelings and questions with him or her. 

1.  Once you've broken up, make it a clean break.  You've probably done as much talking it out and closure as you need to for now.   You know when you have a cut and a scab forms over it?  Well, what happens when you pick at the scab?  It hurts more!  Worse than that the healing has to start all over and can scar.  Don't pick at it.  Let it heal over. One day you can call and sort it all out.  Today you need to think about making yourself feel better.

2.  Spend lots of time with friends.  Find someone whom you can pour your heart out to.  They don't have to say anything, just listen.  Hopefully you have good friends who will intuitively know that they should be keeping you busy.  If they don't, ask them to.  Say, "Hey, Betty, I'm hurting.  Can you make sure I get out a little more this week?" Other things to say:  "Don't let me call (fill in ex-s name here)."  "Don't let me go to (fill in names of places that your ex goes here)." Help your friends help you.

3.  This is a good time to rekindle relationships with old friends.  It'll remind you of who you were before this relationship. You'll start to feel like your old self again.  Perhaps the person whom your ex didn't appreciate.  You're friends know and love you and appreciate you. They knew you before...  They'll remind you that you had a life before this relationship and help you to believe that you can have one again.

4.  When you find yourself thinking about your ex and all the great times you had try to remember the worst times.  Remember how bad you felt when...  Breaking up has a way of making you highlight all the good stuff.  Fight this tendency, but know that it's normal.

5.  Everything is going to remind you of your ex.  Every song.  Every movie.  This will happen for a long time.  It's like you never had a life before the two of you met, but you did.  It'll come back to you.  You'll want to share things with your ex, just like you used to.  You see something that he or she would like...This is normal, but don't do it. If you have a burning desire to tell your ex something and you are afraid that you will forget it, write it down if you have to.  You can always call tomorrow.  Don't call today!

6.  You want closure?  I don't believe in it.  It's not closure.  It's opensure.  Opening an unhealed wound.  Don't do it.  Is there a reason to call and ask why he/she broke up with you?  Yes, if you want to feel more pain.  There's time for this tomorrow (and when tomorrow comes, you won't care to know the answer).

7.  How do you know when you are over it?  It's not when you hate the person or you are no longer secretly holding on to hope.  It's when you don't care anymore.  You feel almost neutral.

8. When you find yourself focusing on your ex's feelings instead of your own, force yourself to focus on your own feelings.  It's natural to think about what your ex might be doing or thinking.  Try to think more about yourself and your own needs.  Pamper yourself.  People do different things - take baths, drink tea, watch favorite movies, play with a pet.  Do whatever soothes you.

9. Do things that you have put off for a long time.  Fun things.  Frivolous things.

10.  Don't over indulge in drugs or alcohol.  You might do something you'll regret and end up feelings worse.  While feeling down you may be tempted.  This is not the time to indulge, you'll feel worse afterwards.

11.  Put pictures of your ex away!  Don't look through your albums.  Don't throw them away right now either.  You may be sorry later.

12.  Don't make major life changes in other areas.  You can do things that make you feel better, but don't have lasting consequences.  Examples include, a new haircut, a new outfit...

If you need help, do not be afraid to get it....  The best thing to do is to live your life and free yourself, allow yourself to grieve and then allow yourself to let go.