Hi
Alice,
My daughter just came out to me, her father and I would
like to know the latest research on the lesbianism. Is
it genetic 100%?
What about the theory that says some have very unsatisfying
relationships with the opposite sex and then go to Lesbianism
or Homosexualism.
Thank You,
Roy
I
cannot tell you how much I appreciate your reaching
out. It goes to show how much you love your daughter
and it is heart warming to read about parents such as
yourselves who try to learn about who their children
really are and what their children go through.
I
know it must be shocking to you to find out that your
daughter is gay and trust me when we are coming to terms
with who we are on our own it really is a lot harder. On
our parts we go through phases beginning with our own
denial. We strive to be, quote "normal" and at the
end of our natural journey we end up realizing we were
"normal" to begin with. It was very hard for your daughter
to come out to you and her confiding to you was an honor
of trust.
As
far as the genetics theory goes, it is only a theory
as of yet. I can tell you that I myself have not one
gay relative. Keep in mind though that times have changed
and decades ago gays were ridiculed, shamed and even
hurt for coming out, so the data on gay genes cannot
or has not been completely validated or invalidated. In
the past most gays stayed deep in the closet. So my
answer is, we really do not know.
As
far as having unsatisfactory relationships with the
opposite sex.... that is less likely than the gene theory. Sure
some of us are conditioned and have grown up believing
that to be gay is to be a sinner, a sicko, a weirdo
so most of us certainly had our relationships with the
opposite sex because that is what we were supposed to
do. And again many of us have never had a relationship
with the opposite sex.
Some
of us were born with attraction towards our own sex and
some of us were born with attractions towards both sexes. I
cannot tell you how many letters and stories I have heard
where our members remember being madly in love with their
kindergarten teacher of the same ex and being scolded
by their parents at the age of five.
I
can tell you that if the rare chance that someone has
had a bad relationship experience with the opposite sex,
but inside they are truly heterosexual, their gay relationships
are not likely to thrive.
There
is a great organization for family members of gays and
lesbians that I know will help you tremendously. It is
called PFLAG. http://www.pflag.org/
and I am sure your local PFLAG chapter will be a
great place to start.
Thank
you for your questions,
Alice
Dear
Alice
For
about 5 months my partner and I were madly in love, soul-mates.
She has a best friend for about 16 years, another lesbian
who she actually had a relationship with about 16 years
ago. There is nothing sexual between them, but since the
best friend has just had a bad relationship she is always
calling mu partner whenever she wants. I feel I have been
put on the back burner to her friend to the point it has
interuptted our romantic time, or plans. The friend just
drops over and my partner just asks her to stay or whatever
without asking me. What can I do, my partner calls me
insecure. I love my partner deeply and her me, but this
is causing a problem, or to say it is my problem. I have
tried to talk to my partner, but she just days that she
will be there for her friend as she hopes she would for
her. To me the friend is a user and my partner has become
a codependant to her. I am afraid that this will cause
us to split due to the lack of respect.
Worried
Dear
Worried,
I
yi yiy yi yi! I am sorry to sound harsh but I have
always been guilty of bluntly telling it how it is seen.
The lack of respect may be on your part more than the
best friend.
You have only been in this relationship for five months
and you are expecting your partner to not be there for
her best friend of 16 years? Particularly when her friend
needs her the most? The friend will get over her heartache
and she will find a new love and be less of a burden on
your relationship soon enough. But the damage you are
causing to your new relationship with insecure demands
may last much longer.
Stop
yourself,
Alice
