March 2004
Alice
Spiers
Alice
Spiers theory on sexual identity
Link
to debate this subject
Born
with sexual impulses?
When
someone, anyone says “I was born straight” or “I was born
gay” it never ceases to amuse me. Just as amusing are the
phrases that “being gay is a choice”. Can someone be born
gay or straight? I think so, yes, but I also believe that
sexual identity is most often a learned and inbred behavior.
I know, but before you pop over to your email to send LBO
your angry rebuttals… give me a second to explain.
Were
you really born gay? Did you pop out of your Momma’s womb
with sexual impulses and desires? Perhaps your earliest
memories are those of feeling affectionate toward women,
and those feelings stuck on you like glue, yes, you have
always loved women as long as you can remember, but does
that mean you were a born woman lover?
Sexuality
is natural and it is fluent. Straight, gay and bi-sexual
they are all natural.
And
I am sorry but the Gay Gene Theory, while is great for our
quest for equal rights it has never been proven. Consider
bi-sexuals in this theory. What about them? How do they
fit into the gene theory? Do they only have ˝ of that gay
gene?
Why
are we gay? Why are we straight? Why are we bi-sexual?
It
is as toddlers that we, as humans learn about sexual identity.
Most of us grew up with straight parents, with straight
icons on television influencing us, such as Little House
on the Prairie, The Cosby’s and even the Simpson’s and never
heard of or saw actual gays. There is always a Mom and a
Dad. No one was gay. We almost never heard of that!
We
weren’t supposed to feel gay feelings and early on we found
out that being “Gay” was not acceptable. Some of us were
even told that we will go to hell if we are gay! So like
good boys and girls any feelings that we may have had were
dismiss as wrong and impossible. And in that process most
of us subconsciously began developing our sexual identity
as straight, before we even had a choice.
While
most toddlers recognized that “Oh, I am not supposed to
marry Sherry Goodwin, when I grow up… but I sure would like
to ”… some of us just didn’t quite get that great
to be straight message, particularly when
we kept having crushes on the prominent women or girls in
our lives which we related to and were naturally drawn to.
Of course we are going to fall in love with other girls!
Our
brothers annoyed us, boys had cooties and Dad either wasn’t
around at all or was often emotionally unavailable .
“But I am supposed to learn to love them some day? OK, I
guess”. We were blackmailed and brainwashed! I believe
that most of the population did not choose their sexuality
out of their free will.
What
am I saying? I am saying that many many straight people
out there have been brain washed at an early age to be SO
STRAIGHT! That by nature any human being could have gone
either way naturally depending on his or her early influences
and it is all absolutely natural.
I
say this from my own experience and common sense.
Had
the world been more embracing of homosexuality and had I
not been told I was going to hell if I married Sherry when
I was growing up, I would not have wasted so many years.
I would not have laid in bed for so many hours fretting,
crying and thinking I was some type of freak for thinking
unnatural thoughts about my best friend or I would not have
made myself so sexually active with boys to prove to myself
I wasn’t gay.
Did
I fall in love with men, you bet I did. Did I live a natural
straight happy life? Yes, again. That was what I was supposed
to do. And for many years I never again thought about making
out with girls. That was for gay people! I was straight.
And for those years I almost forgot all about my crushes
on my best friends. I put them away. Deep away until one
day it just hit me. Until one day I realized again I loved
a best friend and this time I would not let it go.
Those
that sit on the edge and do not even know it
Have
you ever known or met a woman who completely set your gaydar
so far off that you hadn’t even considered her straight,
only to find out she is married with children? How many
housewives have lived a completely straight life only to
find themselves falling in love with another woman? Does
that mean they were never straight? And were living a complete
lie?
I
have known several devoted lifetime lesbians in my life,
whom had never questioned their very gayness, whom out of
no where, have haphazardly fallen in love with a man. Does
that mean they are now straight? That they were living a
gay lie?
Born
that way argument
Some
people were born smarter than others, some people were born
liking baseball and some people were born being math wiz’s.
Some people are fat and some are tall, some are blondes
and some are brunettes. Some people were just born that
way, absolutely.
But
then there are those that are fat because they overeat,
or were born into families in which sports were a major
part of their day. What I am saying is that they have outside
influences in which have lead them to their tastes.
Bi-sexuality
In
ancient times much of the world was simply bi-sexual. Many
great rulers from Julius Caesar to Hadrian were primarily
gay and yet had wives for the primary reason of creating
offspring. Only upon the religious faith of Christianity
did being gay become such a sin and burden.
When
a bi-sexual woman leaves her lesbian partner and takes off
with a man, it is natural for the left behind partner to
pull out the “promiscuity” or “straight” blame card. There
had to be some sinister reason she left me. It could not
have been a problem in our emotional relationship. I took
such good care of her. In reality that is rather up surd.
It
is laughable when gays or straights label bi-sexuals as
promiscuous or overly sexual people. Any sexually identified
group has a mix of promiscuous members AND monogamous members.
To classify one group as “promiscuous” is judgmental and
irresponsible. Every sexually identified group has failed
relationships, has infidelity and has promiscuity. It is
that simple. To say, “Well, bi-sexuals have gone back and
forth between men and women and that shows promiscuity”,
one has to argue that when you point a finger at someone
or some group, you should be very careful, because there
are three other fingers pointing back at yourself! Just
because bi-sexuals have had a mix of from men to women and
you may have had a mix going form woman to woman, does that
mean you are less promiscuous? Of course not.
So
what are you saying here Alice ?
I
am saying that sexual identity can be something that you
are naturally drawn to but most often is dictated by society.
That sexuality is natural.
