Ask Alice -Emotional Blackmail

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Alice,

I am 24. I am currently with a older woman who just happens to be married. She is my best friend. So basically there was 2 friends that had no one else in the world, her is a marriage that is falling apart,(and was way before me) And then there was me who then at the age of 23 wanted to be loved. I had just recently been dumped, and was tryin to really figure out my sexual preference. Anyways I couldn't ask for any to care about me the way she does. I have tried doin the lets just be friends thing, but it wasn't until after I met another woman closer my age that I really started pushing the issue. When we talk about this she threatens to kill herself if I leave her or if she loses me. So now I feel that I am stuck. Wanting to be with someone that she knows of and hates with a passion. I am just at the point where I have no clue what to do or how to go about this. To lose the�(relationship, if you wanna call it that) but to keep the friendship. Even if you don't reply thats fine, i guess what i really needed to do was atleast pretend there was someone out there that could help.�Thank You

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I am wondering how old this woman is? Or better yet, how mature this woman is. I am not going to mince words, I have absolutely NO PITY for any party who chooses to use emotional blackmail to force their love interest to stay in the relationship. None what so ever. It is cruel, it is CO-DEPENDANT and it is not someone who truly cares about you, your needs and how you feel. It is just incredibly selfish and the fact that she plays those games with you make everything else irrelevant. I could go on and on about her being in a legally and morally committed marriage, which she should have then left long ago, without subjecting you to it.

You must clearly understand that if and thats a big IF, this woman chooses to commit suicide because you have left her, that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her own mental state and how she deals with her co-depenency. Do not and never allow her to blackmail you like that. That simply is NOT your responsibility.

Honestly, you already have your answers on whether you should stay or you should go. Having tried to be "friends" with her and having interest in dating tells me that you are not committed to a serious relationship with this woman with whom is more than likely you will not be able to be friends with, particularly if she treats you so badly as to attempt emotional blackmail.

Best of luck to you, stay strong and stop the madness!

Alice