How
to know if your spouse is an alcoholic
Recognizing
whether or not your spouse is an alcoholic is a difficult
thing. Not only do you need to consider their drinking habits
but also how your own life has been affected and how you
deal with your spouse's drinking. The role of codependent
is a big one and even though you may not be buying alcohol
for your mate, your behaviors may be affecting the entire
family dynamic.
One
misconception about alcoholism is that someone needs to
be consuming large quantities of alcohol often to be considered
an alcoholic. Someone who drinks only on weekends can be
every bit as much of an alcoholic as someone who drinks
on weekdays. It is more important to look at drinking patterns
and reasons for drinking.
Someone who is clearly drinking to relieve stress may be
considered a potential alcoholic. While some people may
think it is fine to have a few beers after work and blow
off some steam, it can also be a sign that your spouse is
unable to effectively deal with job difficulties and needs
the outlet of drinking to diffuse the situation. The
same goes for someone who heads to the bar after a fight
with their spouse. This can also become a pattern, a form
of escaping reality.
Alcoholics
also tend to have certain personality traits. They tend
to blame others for things that go wrong. Responsibility
becomes something they do not want to accept and would rather
put on other people. For a marriage in trouble, it is often
the alcoholic who accuses the other for something gone wrong
rather than accept their drinking might be the real heart
of the issue. They frequently miss work due to hangovers
and make excuses, they make scenes at family functions or
parties blaming others, and they usually drink in excess
or binge drink.
Look
at your own involvement in drinking as well. Even if you
don't buy the alcohol, do you determine when, where and
how often your spouse drinks? This may seem like an effective
way to control the situation but the drinkers need to control
it themselves. Because once the source of restriction is
gone, the freedom to drink at will returns and nothing has
been solved.
The
lack of accepting responsibility for one's own actions couples
with the lack of responsibility either on the job or in
family life. An alcoholic often ignores their family or
tasks that need to be done at home. It is usually the other
spouse who picks up the load to accommodate the alcoholic's
dysfunctional behavior. Look at where your spouse isn't
helping out and the reasons for it. Consistently letting
family or home life responsibilities go can also be a sign
that your spouse is struggling with a drinking problem.
While there is no easy answer when considering your spouse's
drinking problem, looking at the whole picture rather than
just the amount of alcohol being consumed will make the
situation easier to sort out.
