By
Keston Huntington
Rejection
Your
kinder words of rejection of her romantic gestures go completely
unheard. “Hey, I do not think of you that way” or “I like
us as friends” does not seem to make any impact on her what
so ever. Over and over again she asks, “How do you feel
about me?” She does not accept your terms, insists
you are missing something fabulous about her and
cannot possibly understand why you are attracted to that
brunette in the corner and not her. She constantly makes
passes at you and unless she falls in love with someone
else, she never gives up hope that someday you will see
the light and her at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes
she vents her frustrations out on you and implies that you
are shallow or vein for not finding her attractive. “Oh,
you only like what is on the outside, you only are attracted
to femmes” or she gets angry and tells you she is ending
your friendship only to call you a week later. On an extreme
level, you may feel that she forces you to say hurtful things
to her. Over and over again, she wants you to tell her exactly
why and what is it about her that you do not find attractive.
It’s
a fact of life and it has happens to all of us. We have
been both rejected and have been the unwanted object of
a particular person’s desire. While there are always exceptions
to every rule, women seem to have a much harder time accepting
rejection than men. Whether straight or gay, men are rejected
everyday. Perhaps that is why they seem to let rejection
roll off their back so easily. Or perhaps it is the testosterone
running through their veins that influences them to move
on to the next sexual conquest. It is a fact that men most
often separate sex and love.
Women
on the other hand, are more emotional and perhaps pickier
in choosing our mates or lovers than men. Though some of
us make the claim, very few women can hold the title “Lone
Wolf”. We naturally desire companionship and emotional connections.
While many of us love down and dirty sex, women tend to
form emotional connection to sex. When we see something
in someone that we feel we can make that magical connection
with and they reject us, we feel they just do not know how
much we love them, or how wonderful it would be. It shatters
our confidence and our dreams. We mistake romantic rejection
as an emotional rejection.
Rejection
is no picnic whether we are on the giving or the receiving
end. But there are ways to handle rejection with reality,
grace and dignity. At the end of the tunnel may be the true
love of your life and wonderful enriching friendships.
Here are a few suggestions:
What
to do when you are being rejected.
First
of all, listen to
what she is saying. If she tells you she only thinks of
you as a friend, or that you are not her type, hear it and
let it go. Chances are, she is NOT going to come to her
senses and wake up one day to find that she is attracted
to you in a romantic way. Be real
and be thankful that she was honest with
you. It could have been much worse on your heart and your
wallet, had she decided to date you when she really was
not interested in you romantically.
Even
if some type of liaison came between you in a drunken moment,
it still does not change what is or is not in her heart.
Do
NOT take it out on her . While we have no
control over others, we do have control over how we respond
to situations, even devastating ones. It is not her fault
that she is not attracted to you. Besides making an idiot
of yourself, misdirecting your frustrations with anger may
not only lose what friendship you may have with this woman
but may take your connection with your own emotional well
being down with it.
If
possible accept friendship .
Obviously there is something that you find very worthy in
this woman.
Diane
says, “I kept telling Carol that I only wanted to be friends,
but she was constantly professing her love for me and making
passes at me. I thought I could not be friends with her
at all. One day she actually met the true love of her life
and now Carol and I are as close as two friends can get.
I cannot imagine my life without my best friend Carol.”
Think
about it. Understand that
the most important thing to remember is that no one person
can appeal to all tastes. Each woman has her own preference,
while you may not conform to her taste as a love interest;
there are many fish in the sea that may find you irresistible.
Her rejection represents one person’s
opinion and is not a definition of your dating value.
If
you are constantly being rejected , there
is something that you may be doing wrong. Ask yourself questions
about what happened. Be open and without retribution ask
your good friends to give their honest input. Why do women
react that way to you? Does their reaction give you information
you can use to improve yourself? Can you change your approach
or your appearance to become more successful in dating?
Brief analysis often provides valuable information, but
don’t get stuck over analyzing yourself. Decide what to
do next and do it.
What
to do when she will not accept only friendship
First
of all, be completely compassionately honest
. Compassionately treat her with the same
respect you would want to be treated. Tell her everything
that you find great about her, yet why you are not sexually
attracted to her. Perhaps, she is an ultra femme and you
love stone butches, perhaps she doesn’t take care of herself
physically or perhaps you do not date younger women, whatever
the reason be honest.
Your
honesty will help her in the long run.
If
you are truly not attracted to her do
not give in . Sadly many women are worn
down emotionally are manipulated, guilted, bullied or coerced
into dating someone they are not attracted to. Often the
manipulation comes in the form of being given things, being
taken care of or rescued. This is a very sad and very old
way of being manipulated and tricked into an unfulfilling
relationship. The manipulator may feel it is the perfect
relationship and while you may fall in love with such devotion
or become attracted to being taken care of, your lack of
satisfaction will keep coming back at your conscience.
Do
not let your own loneliness mislead this woman !
Yes, you, yourself may be very lonely and desire companionship.
You long for a girlfriend, someone to come home to, someone
that you ache for and miss when she is gone. It’s nice having
a companion, but if you are not attracted to her now, trust
me, two years from now it will not be any better. By settling
and limiting yourself, you could be missing that chance
at true passion and true love. It will never be complete
with this woman. Eventually you will devastate her.
Be
respectful of yourself . Some women just
do not get it and never will. No matter how many times you
tell them or how forcefully you tell them, they are not
mentally equipped to accept that you will not come around
and see what you are missing. They are not respectful of
you and some can be dangerous. It is not easy having to
be forced to reject someone over and over again. Do not
beat yourself up for being honest. Never allow someone to
mistreat you or disrespect you.
If
you have to walk away from the friendship
, do it.
Please
feel free to discuss, give input or tell your story in the
LBO community pages!
