|
An
insight to the women who paved our way
By
Alice Kuban
I’m
not really sure how to begin this story. It’s not a story
per se, more like a journey. It was an adventure that I could
never have planned even with my best travel agent at hand.
This journey began as a simple vacation. I wanted to do something
special that year that I hadn’t done before. I’d been to Mexico
on several occasions and thought it was nothing short of ab
fab. I decided to go to the coast, Sonora Bay to be exact.
I took an Olivia vacation and partayed with the chica’s. Something
happened to me during the only 2 hours of the trip that I
was sober. I met the most incredible woman that showed me
my life through the vivid memories of her own. Believe it
or not those memories really do light the corner of my mind
(thanks Barbra).
After
a night of fun, dancing and simply way too much drinking,
I was on vacation you know, I awoke with
a hangover so bad I thought someone replaced my head with
my rear-end. The only thing I wanted to do was relax in the
sun and swim. My friends and I decided to take a boat out
on a tour called, “Swimming with the Seals”. The sun was bright,
(with the elves pounding hammers in the front of my head everything
was bright), but not hot. As I sat on the cruiser,
having quite the pity party for myself, I noticed an older
woman looking at me and smiling. I smiled back at her and
she began to laugh. She said, “I used to do that too.” She
introduced herself as Eva, and reached to shake my hand. It
was then that I noticed by her slow and precious movement,
she was a bit older than I had first thought.
As
this woman sat down next to me I remembered the bitchy thoughts
that were crossing my mind. “I am so not in the mood for this”,
I thought to myself. Fortunately, she didn’t hear that. She
began to ask me questions about myself. “How old are you?”
she blurted out. This was ten years ago so; wait, you don’t
need to have that information. Just to be a smart ass, (always
stick to what you’re best at), in hopes of scaring her away,
I asked how old she was. “Sixty-two”, she replied with gusto.
This of course sparked my attention immediately. She began
to tell me how lucky the “young girls” have it today. So began
the story of a past that I never really knew I had, and a
decision I never thought I’d make.
When Eva was young, she went through life doing the
obligatory thing that all young women in her day had done.
After finishing High School, she went on to marry, (a man),
at the tender age of 17. “I always knew that I was doing this
because I felt I had to, not because I wanted too”, she made
sure to explain. There wasn’t a time that went by that she
could remember feeling butterflies in her stomach at the mere
sight of a beautiful woman. Those kinds of feelings could
have gotten you thrown into an asylum in those days, so she
never, ever told anyone. She never said anything bad about
her husband, just that she wasn’t in love with him. She has
three beautiful children, her own words, and never regretted
having them for a moment.
After
10 years of marriage, the longing became too much for her
to bear anymore. She was miserable and making him miserable
too. It was time to go. Not only did she have the taboo of
divorce, she also knew she was gay. She was never able to
see her children again. Eva told me what it was like for her
in college and of her first experience in a gay bar. These
bars were always in the worst neighborhoods and the darkest
places. “I just don’t know how you do it now, but when I wanted
to know if a woman was gay, or to let her know that I was
gay, we would put our right hand into our pockets” Hence the
“right” philosophy came out, I would assume, or is it the
“left”, I’ve always sucked at symbolism.
Eva
went on to tell me how she met her first, and only lover.
They were both teachers at the same school. She fell, madly,
passionately, and deeply in love with her. She told me that
for the first time in her life she had felt connected to the
world. After a short while, (of course J ), they decided to
live together. Finding a house wasn’t easy, but they managed.
She told me of the hateful words people would spew at them
and the number of times their house had been vandalized. She
was in love, and didn’t care who knew about it. There was
even a time when someone threw a rock and hit her in the head.
I told her this must have been really scary for you. She simply
said, “ Not as scary as living a lie”. Needless to say, that’s
when I started to cry, (I’m such a girl!).
She
told me stories of Stonewall. She said that after years of
being mistreated and abused, everyone who was there had just
had enough. The rioting was actually started by straight onlookers.
“It didn’t matter, we were free and angry that day”. She told
me of how her and her lover were “discovered” by the school
they had worked at and were soon fired.
We
talked about the AIDS crisis and how it affected us.” All
of my boyfriends are dead now, and I miss them”. I asked her
if her beloved was there and said I would like to meet her
too. Eva’s face seemed to change shape and color. “I lost
her a few years back to cancer”. I managed to muster up a
simple I’m sorry even though my heart ached for her. “Now
you understand when I say you’re lucky”? I really did.
I
never did swim with the seals that day. I said my goodbyes
to her and quickly went back to my room. As I lay on my bed
that night, I felt warm tears roll down my face. I am lucky.
I am free. Because of the brave women before me like Eva,
I have been able to live my life the way I choose. I decided
from this day forward that I would never again hide who I
was, to anyone. Not for me, but for Eva. Although the hate
is still out there, I need to remember those before me and
those in front of me. Eva was brave enough to love at any
cost, and so will I be.
Thanks
Eva
|
