Many
of us have found ourselves in the precarious situation where
we've been out on a few dates with someone and we start
feeling that we want to date this person exclusively, but
they don't seem to reciprocate these feelings. She's all
you can think about, while you, on the other hand, are just
one possibility for her. How should you proceed under these
circumstances? Read on for some hopeful advice.
Just
like all men are not "commitment-o-phobes," all
women are not "commitment-aholics." In fact, many
women today take the time to enjoy the single life before
committing to a long term relationship. Perhaps there are
reasons women are less likely inclined to get into long
term relationships then in the past. Perhaps they have had
their heart broken, are not quite over an ex-love or perhaps
they are focused on their career.
Whatever
the reasons for women wanting to keep their options open,
the fact is that fear of commitment is becoming more common
in women.
Is
this where you are?
You have gone out with her on five dates or so, and they
have been the best ones of your life. She is beautiful or
handsome, charming, funny, and intelligent -- in a word,
perfect. You tell her how you feel, hoping that she feels
the same way. She tells you that she really likes you but
still wants to continue seeing other people -- you feel
your heart sink.
So,
What are you to do?
In this situation, you have two options: either keep seeing
her and hope that she eventually comes around, or, avoid
any potentially serious heartache later, and break it off
with her immediately. Although it may be impossible for
you to choose the latter option, because your feelings for
her have somehow managed to overpower your better judgment,
Its best to do whatever is in your best interest, and, unfortunately,
that may mean ending a potentially perfect relationship.
Communication
is key?
Before
you do anything, talk to her. At times, women have difficulty
telling you what is truly on their mind. Ask, not demand,
how she feels things are going and what she may be looking
for in a partner and relationship when she settles down.
Read between the lines and find out how she feels. Find
out if she has been hurt and how long ago, find out how
she feels about issue’s that may pertain to you. Perhaps
you are of different ethnic backgrounds or she normally
dates butch women. Women often primarily act
on attractions and she may not be entirely attracted to
you, but enjoys your company .
Love
hurts.
First of all, your chances of getting your heart blown to
smithereens by this woman may be higher than if she were
dating you exclusively. After all, you are one option, but
what about the others behind door #2 and #3 that she is
dating? They must have something going for them if she wants
to keep them in her life. The chances that she will eventually
settle on you are one in (insert however many others she
is currently dating here). Think about whether or not these
odds are in your favor.
You
are inevitably going to spend a substantial amount of time
and energy -- not to mention money -- on this woman, all
the while knowing that it may lead nowhere. She may not
even be looking for any type of commitment at all. Where
will this situation leave you a couple of months down the
road when you've potentially really fallen in love with
her?
A
matter of trust?
Secondly,
you may not be able to trust her. You may find yourself
wondering if her indecisiveness points to a lack of loyalty
or a flighty heart. It may be that she is not a disloyal
person
by nature, and once she has made up her mind about
whom she loves then she will be true to that person forever,
but she has simply not made that decision yet. On the other
hand, she may just be a woman who will never be able to
be true to one person.
If you are a relatively secure
individual, and aren't prone to attacks of paranoia, you may
be able to cope with such uncertainty; if not, you will constantly
be second-guessing her and trying to find out where she is,
with whom, and what she's doing. This type of worry and anxiety
can leave you exhausted, and make her resent you, which isn't
good for any relationship
Follow
your heart
This being said, love cannot always be controlled by reason.
If it could, there wouldn't be so many songs about broken
hearts. We are not robots that can be instantly programmed
or deprogrammed depending on the situation. Thinking that
you can stop being in love with someone simply because you
should is naïve at best, and is only possible if you don't
really feel that strongly about the person to begin with.
In
love, there are no guarantees. Simply by opening yourself
up to other people, you are setting yourself up for the
possibility of getting hurt. The fact that the woman you
are falling in love with does not want to be exclusive with
you increases these chances, but does not create them.
If
you really are falling for this woman, you may want to give
her time to figure out what, and whom, she wants. After
all, sometimes, all a woman needs to make up her mind is
a little convincing.
